TheDailyBanter.com

Is American news the reason why everybody thinks the Yanks are stupid?

By Nick Lang

   

Watching American TV is a fascinating, and immensely infuriating experience, but it does explain a lot. Yanks get a pretty hard time from almost everyone around the world at the moment, mostly for simply being bloody stupid – I feel that this is unfair (except for the 52% odd that voted for Bush, they are just stupid).

   

Watch the news on Fox, NBC, CNN and even Sky news and you realise that what has become known as American stupidity is actually nothing of the sort, but simply the result of a process of mass brainwashing; they are not stupid, but stupefied. I remember watching the coverage of Hurricane Katrina (which had the Revelationists wetting themselves with excitement) every day until a full week after the event; which was a true tragedy. I don’t think I even need to say anything about Bush’s handling of the situation, or of the wonderful job his Arabian horse-rearing drinking buddy did for the ‘folks’ in trouble, but the way the media handled it was almost as painful to watch as the actual event itself:

“Coming up on today’s broadcast; images from New Orleans that will literally move you (dramatic pause) to tears.”

   

“We interviewed this man, whose house was completely destroyed. Watch now as he becomes so overwhelmed, that he just breaks down (dramatic pause) in front of your very eyes.”

   

"Here are the EXCLUSIVE, and let me repeat that, EXCLUSIVE images of Oprah inside what has become, and I never thought I’d say this folks, an American refugee camp. We had to turn the cameras off because she was too overwhelmed (dramatic pause) to carry on.”

Reality TV warping reality

By Nick Lang

The whole reality TV genre should stop encouraging people not to go out and get lives for themselves. There are people who watch Big Brother all day, send constant messages to Channel 4 in the hope of being momentarily important, and who talk about the ‘characters’ like they’ve known them for years. The only reason that these programmes do so well seems to be because we are all so bored of our own lives that we have to watch other peoples’; which also explains why there are so many magazines dedicated to what celebrities do in their spare time.

For the love of God live a little for yourselves! Why the fuck do you care which secluded beach resort Britney Spears is staying in at the moment? You sure as hell can’t afford it, and neither can I so who gives a shit? Everyone in this country is obsessed by gossip because they don’t get enough in their own lives – well I think if you’re that desperate then do something crazy yourself. Get a tit-job, buy a Ferrari, shag a footballer; whatever it takes just do it, then shut up and get on with the rest of your life.